Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
