I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need moral support for this bender
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
