I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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