I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
