i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize