Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
