woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
