He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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