I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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