she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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