i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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