is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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