What a fucking waste of an outfit
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
