Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
