he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
