Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
