3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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