Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
