Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
