Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
