I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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