Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
