I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
