Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish you could order shots online.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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