if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize