I smell stomach acid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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