Bisexual people are plain selfish.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
