this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
