I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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