I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
