they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
