Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
