weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
