Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
