Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Panties = found
Randomize
