I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
