I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
