i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
