I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
