I cannot find my penis.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
