wat bout pragnant strippers??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
