I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
