Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
