There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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