you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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