So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
