Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
