I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
