is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
