I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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