a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
