I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
