I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
