We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
