Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
