so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
