Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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