I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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