i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
