tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
