now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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