It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
