you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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